Saint Arnold Brewhouse Blog

Thought you might appreciate this....
>
> History as not taught in schools
> *********************************
> A Condensed Version of History
>
> For those who don't know about history, here is a condensed version.
>
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
> and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were:
> 1. The invention of beer, and
> 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
> beer.
>
> These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
>
> 1. Liberals
> 2. Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
> yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
> be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
> as the Conservative movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
> sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal movement.
>
> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
> known as girlie-men.
>
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
> Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
> conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
> the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>
> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
> for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
> who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
> conservatives who want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
> to get more for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
> Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
> forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of
> the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately
> to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off!