Pepperoni Pizza--aged 2+ days in cold box with Big Daddy's Amplified Heat Hot Sauce
Elissa IPA
Though reheated pizza tastes best when done in the oven (a fact we learned after much experimentation) we have to use a microwave at the brewery because, alas, we have no oven. The only other option is to eat the pizza cold, which when coupled with the very hoppy Elissa, is also a winner. The Cascade hop, with its citrusy bitter, is a perfect compliment to the congealed greasiness and smoky spice of this Brewery favorite.

Brewer's Feed: Pretzels, Cheetos, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers
Texas Wheat
Nothing compliments this main brewer staple better than a cold Texas Wheat. Its mild hop aroma and citrusy effervescence balances well with the sodium-laden pretzel twists, and the crisp, clean finish washes down the cheese collision of Goldfish crackers and the finger-coating Cheetos.

Marco Taco Truck Tacos
Fancy Lawnmower Beer
Granted, this just-off-Hempstead Highway taco truck doesn’t start serving until 6am, which makes it only good for post shift breakfast, but you can’t beat $2 breakfast tacos on homemade flour tortillas so full of lardy goodness that you can practically see through them. The tacos are simple but delicious so they pair well with the surprisingly complex Fancy Lawnmower. The Kölsch yeast gives this beer a lager’s crispness with an ale’s fruity esters, and the Hallertau Hops leave much more aroma than bitterness, making the beer perfect to wash down the homemade tomatillo salsa.

Whataburger Combo Meal #1 – No Cheese, Whata-sized
Amber Ale
Of course, you can always get a Diet Coke for the caffeine, but in reality, when its 4 in the morning, you’re brewing another batch of Lawnmower, and you need a quick pick me up, you should just finish your 3rd cup of coffee, and run down to Whataburger. Skip the Cheese on the combo; the dairy will only deaden your taste buds to the wonder that is our well-balanced Amber washing down a slow grilled Whataburger with extra veggies. The fries are just icing on the proverbial cake. (Check out the Whataburger at 18th and 610, and you just might see us in the drive through late at night.)

Dagger's Lunch -- Swiped from fridge
Summer Pils
Really, it doesn't matter what is in the lunch bag, the Summer Pils goes well with everything that Becky (Phil's wife) has every made us...er...him.

Hershey's Assorted Fun-Size Chocolate Bars -- Kathy’s candy bowl
Brown Ale
If you've ever been to the brewery during the day, the first person you meet is Kathy. Two poorly kept secrets of the brewery are that 1. Kathy essentially runs this place and we would fall apart without her, and 2. Kathy keeps a bowl of fun size chocolates on her desk. This is a particular form of torture for night shift brewers: We know that chocolate goes extremely well with the Caramel and Chocolate notes of the Brown Ale, but Kathy locks her office at night, and for some reason refuses to give us a key.

DoNuts
Winter Stout
The Winter Stout with its roasted nutty notes from the Special B malted barley, and the subtle nuances of coffee and chocolate; it perfectly accents the pure, unadulterated, sugary goodness that is a good DoNut. Brewery favorites include whichever Shipley's is closest to you, or Christy's Donuts on Grey and Montrose.

Beef Jerky -- Imported from Austin, TX by Frank
Spring Bock
Every once in a while we receive a hefty care package of beef jerky from our Austin sales rep, Frank. Whether it's the soul-crushing habanero or the classic teriyaki flavor, the Spring Bock is the perfect companion to this hearty, dehydrated delicacy. Our Spring Bock is almost gone this year; Where's our care package, Frank?

Left-over Oktoberfest Party food -- German cuisine
Oktoberfest
Nothing keeps the brewers going for most of October (and most of November, too) than the leftovers from the polka-dancing, beer-drinking, and bratwurst-eating revelers of our Oktoberfest party. As the brats age, they get that certain je nous se qua of musty cold box that only our Oktoberfest, with its enormous malty presence, can hope to equal, and accentuate.

Vender and Client Holiday Gift Baskets
Christmas Ale
Maybe it's the fact that we make beer, or maybe it's because they want to see Chris dress up in his little elf costume, but for some reason we get a lot of gift baskets and goodies from various affiliates during the holiday season. Whatever the reason, we end up with enough holiday themed goodies substantially increase the collective waistline of a company four times our size. We are not, however, ones to turn up our noses at holiday cheer, so every Goode Company Pecan Pie, bag of Briess Malt Balls, or even the occasionally fruitcake is devoured within a day or two of arriving. And, of course, what else would drink in December but our enormous tasty Christmas Ale?

Birthday Cupcakes -- Randall's (with trick candles)
Root beer
A birthday only comes once a year. Luckily for us, we have 24 employees. Each time another year passes for one of us, our wonderful Receptionist, Kathy, gets cupcakes for all. The only thing that can match the sugar content of these little morsels of decadent deliciousness is our yummy Root Beer (1 lb of sugar per gallon!). Grab the insulin; we feel a diabetic coma coming on just thinking about it.

It's nothing personal, we just really don't like sweeping up piles of grain whenever someone accidentally kicks a grain sack open. We also don't like picking up food and trash off the grain. Besides, the less feet that walk on the bags, the less feet ends up in the beer. Nobody likes feety beer. And if you do (wierdo), I'll serve you a free beer next time you come to the tour, served out of my work boots.

This goes well beyond the normal conception of beer as a "manly" drink, one that makes you irresistible to buxom women in bikinis, and magically transforms your car into something Cherry Apple Red and made by some European with a name like Ferrari, Porsche or the like. This is a question of the very nature of beer.

In German, Beer is neither masculine nor feminine, but relegated to the neuter. Das Bier ist! To the Germans, beer is so normal as to not need to be gendered, I suppose. In French and Spanish, and I suspect in most Romantic languages, Beer is feminine (La Cerveza, La Biere, etc.), perhaps because it nurtures, sustains, and brings us joy. Just a thought.

English, being the relatively stodgy language that it is, reserves its gendered nouns and pronouns for very little. Men are masculine (Him, His, etc.), Women and Ships are feminine (Her, Hers, etc.), and everything else just gets to be call "it".

The answers I received were varied. Sam thought that if it did have a gender, beer might be a her. As he said, " 'She's a fine beer' sounds a lot more descriptive than 'It is a good beer.' It just seems like a better way to talk about beer." Others couldn't get the mass marketed, beer as the drink of patriotic, football watching white male image out of their minds.

As for me, I've decided that beer transcends these narrow labels. Beer is not male, female, or neuter. Beer is not him, her or it. Beer, simply, is. And you know what? Beer is pretty good, too.

You guys have any thoughts?

*Remembering, of course, the primary Rule of Ones, to whit: A One that is not cold is hardly a One at all.